HOW TO FORGIVE | FIVE ACTIONABLE STEPS TO FORGIVENESs

I’m often asked how it is that I was able to forgive the ones whom I allowed to hurt and betray me so badly.

For one, I had to understand that not forgiving was only standing in the way of me and the man I was intending to become. You can only go so far in life when you hold on to negative emotions. Anger, resentment, and sense of loss is poison to your growth. Screw that, my purpose and happiness is much more valuable to me than reminiscing and holding on to the events and pain which only held me down.

Second, I had to assume full responsibility for all the wrong I allowed happen to me. As long as one plays the blame game, they remain a victim. A victim mindset manufactures emotions associated with unworthiness, bitterness, anger, and causes one to attract more people who will want to take advantage of them because they have labeled themselves a victim. One can’t learn from moments where they were rejected and taken advantage of if they don’t take responsibility, and if one can’t learn, the same events will continue to perpetuate in their life. It’s ok to accept responsibility. It doesn’t mean the ones who wronged you win or are getting away with anything. They carry the guilt within, they can’t run from it. They can pretend they don’t care and that they didn’t do anything wrong, but guilt will haunt them for the rest of their lives unless they choose to come forth and admit and sincerely apologize for the wrong they did you.

Third, I had to understand that one’s who wronged me are living in a world of pain within their corrupt mind. We are emotion driven human beings. What emotions do you believe are driving somebody who does another wrong? Troubled emotions. When in the world do you see a good quality person doing another wrong? Never. Happiness can not do other harm. You can let it go, they’re in pain, no need to wish them any more harm.

Fourth, engrave this into your mind. “Everyone is only doing what they know how to do with what they currently possess.” Understand that the people who wronged you didn’t come into this world to do you harm. They are simply doing what they know how to do. If they knew how to do more they would. This is not to excuse them for what they did, but for you to excuse yourself from continuing to hold on to emotions which serve you no purpose. Do this, and you’ll never put yourself in a situation where you expose yourself to get hurt.

Fifth, you must understand that you were done wrong because you are a person of value. When one does another wrong it’s simply because they aren’t willing to change for better, therefore, they have to force you to change for worse by doing you harm. Most who are done wrong identify with the rejection and pain they were caused. They’re conflicted. Understand you have nothing to do with what they did or took from you.

Last but not least, pray for those who did you wrong. “Say what, you still want me to pray for the suckers who did me wrong?” That’s right! It takes a man of courage and integrity to execute this bold yet effective task.

You’ll learn to discern evil from good with simply shaking somebody’s hand and looking them in the eyes upon meeting them when you execute all of the above steps. And you’re human, so it might not be easy but do it anyways. Trust me, the benefits of doing the above are priceless and will cause your life to become greater in all aspects of it. Forgiving isn’t for the weak, but more for the wise and those who seek to lead a life of joy and happiness. It’s honorable when you learn to forgive. Think about it, nobody respects a man or woman who holds onto anger and bitterness. There’s nothing honorable about a man or woman who wishes others wrong. So, are you man or woman of integrity?